Tuesday, January 31, 2012

the truth hurts

do you ever find you've been going along on sheer hope, perhaps burying your head in the sand about the truth? hope is a powerful thing. for me, anyway. more powerful than truth, I think. truth is finite. hope is infinite. you do the math.

so when the unavoidable truth comes crashing down on you once in a while, man, it's brutal. and people say annoying things like, "I've always been truthful with you," or "I've been honest with you from the start." But there's "honest," and there's honest with a bit of fudge factor. Honest and honest with just enough bread crumbs dropped to keep you following along with hope in your heart.

"just honest enough that you can't accuse me of being DIShonest" is not really the same as HONEST.

truth whacked me upside the head last night and I'm still reeling a bit. i'm feeling sad and a bit numb. trying not to react...but to sit with the truth for a bit...til...I know what I should will do.

the truth hurts. but sometimes hope really SUCKS. it keeps you hanging on when maybe you shouldn't.

tomorrow's another day. i hope.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

it's all good in the hood

2½ years ago I sold my darling little house on Long Island where I'd lived for 14 years with my daughter and moved to Brooklyn. I know a lot of people don't understand that decision, as I'm still working out on the Island and now have a 40 mile (one way) commute five days a week. But I'm loving Brooklyn and like to think I've got the best of both worlds now! The suburbs by day, with big box stores and tons of fast food and parking lots (ahhhh)...and at night and on the weekends I enjoy the hustle and bustle of Brooklyn, with the interesting people and places. So yesterday I was in "the country," up north of the city, and today I was back in the hood. My life has a lot of variety, to say the least! 

I decided today to add another resolution to 2012. And it's a hard one for me. To do more things alone. I mean, I do most everything alone as it is...but there are things I *don't* do because I don't want to do them by myself. And I'm missing out on things I think I would enjoy. But you know how there are some things you just feel funny doing alone? Today I was craving a really yummy breakfast. OUT. I couldn't find anyone to go with me. I almost just went "oh well" and didn't go. But I MADE myself go out to eat alone. Ack. It felt a little weird. But I did it. It helps having a phone you can do stuff on. So you're not just like staring straight ahead the whole time, ha. I'll need to learn better "I'm here by myself, deal with it" skills. But for now, I'm just happy I took this step. And I'll keep trying to push myself to not pass things up just because I can't get anyone to go with me. 

Is there anything you feel funny doing alone? Do you go anyway? 

Saturday, January 28, 2012

wherein i get the hell outta dodge

One of my new year's resolutions for 2012 was "more road trips." sometimes you just need to get outside the box of your normal life, see nothing that is familiar, travel new roads, see different things...and today I did just that. it was pretty low key...the dog and I loaded up in the morning, got doughnuts for the road, and headed up to Tarrytown, NY. It feels like a whole different world there, but it's actually a shorter drive than what I make to work every day! 

Specifically our first destination was the Rockefeller State Park Preserve so Caleb could have a nice romp and I a good walk....before we sight-saw around the rest of the area by car.

It was a good day. the boy is exhausted and sleeping at my feet. i feel refreshed and ready to face another week of "the same thing every day." 

How do you refresh and recharge?

Friday, January 27, 2012

what my day looked like....

I'm told it was 60 degrees today, but it was rainy and dreary and now it's nighttime and a cold wind is coming in through the air conditioner and swirling around my legs and i'm cold. i'm tired. when i get tired i get cold. when i get cold i yawn. i'm trying to make it to the sofa where there are blankets and kitties for warming oneself, but i'm being seduced by wonderful cooking blogs. i found a posting about tea + booze = hot toddies! doesn't that sound lovely??

I started a 365 days of photos project on flickr. I'm pretty proud of myself for making it to day 27! Obviously I've not been as conscientious about my blog! I will try and be better...I really have to hand it to the people who get something worthwhile written every day. Woohoo y'all!

The upside of the 365 days of photos goal is it's making me try harder to see pictures in things. with it still getting dark early there have been many nights when I'm wandering around the apartment at 9:30 looking for something, ANYTHING to take a picture of! After you run through all the obvious things, you've got to start being pretty creative!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

the life i keep

Change is all well and good...when it's YOUR decision what and when to change...but sometimes things just change around you. No one asks you, no one consults you, they just inform you - This is How Things Will Be From Now On. And sometimes you see that the change is for the better...but other times, not so much. And all *you* can control when things change around you is whether you will stay....or you will go. But sometimes going is not really an option, and....you find yourself in a different world.

So it's nice to be able to leave that world and come home...to the life you keep.

Monday, January 2, 2012

someday never comes

today started like this...

and after much angst and anxiety and waiting waiting waiting, finally turned into this...

watching the sunset in perfect silence with a favorite person. how is it exactly that that can make such a difference in a day? in a heart? in a life?

I started journaling again recently. and sometimes I'm not so sure that's a good thing. sometimes it just keeps feelings on the surface...when maybe it might be more useful if they could tuck themselves away a bit.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Looking back...and looking ahead...

Those who know me, know I Am All About the New Year's Resolution. I know what mine will be, but I just had a fun thought about monthly resolutions. A Resolution BOX. Write a bunch of things you'd like to do on scraps of paper..."buy myself flowers," "invite someone new to do something," "paint toenails a funky color" etc. Make a BUNCH. Put them in a little box or pouch...and on the first of each month, pull one out and spend that month focusing on getting at least that one thing done.

It's so easy when life is swirling around you to forget to do nice things for yourself. This is just a friendly little reminder...

That's a little bit of looking ahead...and for a look back, these are some of my favorite photos from 2011...


I'm excited and a little terrified....I just started a 365-day Photo Challenge thingie in flickr...I hope I can see it through!